I'm sorry...
...to the people I've hurt, whether knowingly or completely oblivious to it, I'm sorry I hurt you.
...to my sister, for allowing you to always be there for me and not completely reciprocating. That's gonna change.
...to anyone I ever drunk dialed...oops? That ends, too.
...for guilt trips. No one likes those, least of all me, as I've grown up with them.
...to the countless jobs where I called out more than I came in, showed up late, or just stopped coming at all...I'm beyond sorry. I can only say I'm scared. Or lazy, ugh.
...for talking about people behind their back. Oh shush, I'm not the only one who does it. I'm just man enough to admit it and try to apologize for it now.
...to the boys I've dated, for the many various little reasons, and a couple big ones. Honestly, I chalk this up to being a baby and not to my own faults, but I guess we'll never know.
...to my mother, for knowing a large portion of what she's going through and being too scared to admit it. For not being there the way she'd like me to.
...to my father. I'm sorry about the way things have turned out. You deserve more than what you have. We all do. I love you, Daddy.
...to all the teachers I've lied to in order for them to take pity on me and ease up on my grades, lateness, absences, or late work. That was wrong.
...to everyone in my life that has helped me in someway, whether miniscule or largescale. I still feel like I owe something to you.
...to my car, for beating you up and treating you like a humvee. (Ok these apologies are beginning to get ridiculous.)
...to you, you know who you are if you know me at all. I've always prided myself on being a good friend, but I haven't always shown that side to you. I don't want to give excuses anymore and I don't really know what to say other than I haven't been a good person. I'm sorry for that, but mostly I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed me the most, especially when you'd always been there for me. I don't know what's to come in the future, but I do know I regret a lot of what happened between us. It was almost always stupid and petty. I know now how you must have felt then, and I can honestly say I'm so, so sorry. No one should have to feel this way and be alone with it. Had I been a better friend, or managed to get the stick out of my ass, I might have been able to help you with it. I'm so sorry.
And lastly...
...to myself. I could be a much better person than I currently am. I could be much farther in life than I am. I could have messed up a LOT less than I have. I don't know why I'm just now starting to realize this, but in messing up, I've hurt myself the most. Maybe this is why I constantly feel this "lost, drifting-along-in-a-bubble-but-without-a-playlist-like-the-Pepsi-commercial, empty" feeling. Because I've hurt myself more than I could have possibly hurt anyone else in my life. I've also spent too much time in my own personal pity party to fix what is wrong.
I don't know what to do about any of it. But I do know I'm sorry and the first step is realizing it.
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