I am the world's best girlfriend. Really, I am. I show up with little presents. I do that thing that makes your toes curl. I'll even clean and, god forbid, cook. Parents love me and I can easily chill with the boys any day of the week. I've learned to overcome my jealousy issues (for the most part) and I know we both need our space sometimes. Maybe more than just sometimes. You've all heard that quote - "Dance like no one's watching, sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt." (If you haven't, what rock have you been under for the past ten years?) I used to do just that. I loved my man with everything I had and more. I gave all my energy to my relationship because it made me happy to make my man happy. But eventually things unravel and no matter how much you try (or don't try...men are weird), they go sour. And guess what...I can't love that same way anymore. I can't keep giving men all I have because then they take it away and I'm left empty. It takes a lot of work and a long time to fill myself back up again, only to have another guy run off with my hard work.
It's sad, depressing even, that I don't feel like I can love someone anymore. It's sad that I think every guy who tells me I'm beautiful just wants to get into my pants. And it's really sad when I act like a guy and then get harrassed for it. Just today I was told I was "the worst kind of person in the world" just for lightly teasing someone. It's not my fault that girls mention vibrators and boys go all crazy...heh.
The funny part is that this logic goes for friends, too. For some reason, ever since I can remember, I never had a single best friend. It was never me and some other girl joined at the hip. And I always craved that friendship. I wanted people to know that wherever I was, so-and-so was bound to be, too. Even now, I do have close friends but no best friend. Or at least I think they're close friends. Of course, I can't remember the last time I talked to some of them. And others seem to think I'm the person to call only when they're bored. This is all too bad because usually I'm a pretty fun person. I'm a good listener, I give good advice, and I go out of my way to make people feel better when they're down. Usually. Again, I can't be held accountable for these things in all situations.
But just so you all know...I'm done. From now on, I am the guy. And for those guys out there who are better than the d-bags I've had the pleasure of coming across...good for you and please ignore the following. From now on, I will treat men (let's face it...I don't know any men. They're all little boys) as playthings rather than living, breathing human beings with real feelings. I don't care if I was the first or 100th, but I'll get what I want then bounce, whether it's cuddle time, cyber sex, or the real deal. I no longer care to meet your families, nor do I care if your team loses, your car breaks down (if you even have one), or if you're hungry, horny, tired, bored, bleh. I do not care. As selfish as this sounds, I'm looking out for me, myself, and I. This goes for my friends as well. I will no longer care about your break-ups, breakdowns, bad hair days and style emergencies. Many of you don't care about mine so I guess you're gonna reap what you sow. There are very few people I can say have been there all the time, but they are the only ones exempt from this declaration.
Sorry if this sounds selfish, but sometimes a girl's gotta look out for her own behind. Especially when it's as lovely as mine ;-)
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